I have me

At the end I only have myself to depends on.

Only myself.

#iSad

Hai. Assalamualaikum..

Jaranglah post sini.
Taip bila tak tau nak luah macam mana, kat siapa.

Lately selalu sangat bercanggah pendapat, terasa hati, alaa yang cliche tu apa... Tak bersefahaman...

Tapi tulah, maybe paling lama pun sehari dua je berdiam diri, bagi satu sama lain ruang, hm ataupun sebenarnya ego. Entahlah.

Satu yg aku perasan setiap kali ada salah faham ke, bergaduh ke, terasa ke, mesti dia first yg minta maaf, then baru aku minta maaf jgk. Skrg okaylah, sebab masing-masing perasaan sayang tu masih kuat, dua2 pun senang sejuk, senang minta maaf, senang memaafkan.

Boleh ke fikir jauh sikit?

Nanti kalau rasa sayang tu dah takde, senang ke nak minta maaf, senang ke nak memaafkan? Sorry sebab aku fikir negatif. Perempuan kan, mestilah takut ditinggalkan. Lelaki senang, hilang rasa sayang, boleh ada nombor 2, 3 dan 4. Perempuan?

Okay, tak nak merepek dah.
Doa yang baik-baik je.

*sedih*
*tengah cari kekuatan diri*

Okay, sambung sikit..

You know it's really disturbing when you cant even make your own decision. Yes, i know maybe he does that because he's worried. Yes. One thing, he never think abt my feeling when he says something. Yes, i know dia mmg jenis berterus terang but i do have feelings too. Janganlah pandang rendah walaupun aku mmg rendah orangnya. Yakin dgn aku please. Sbb i really need that. Sebab semangat aku pun dah hilang ni sebenarnya cuma aku je push diri aku, kalau bukan aku siapa lagi. Aku ada aku je. Dia pun nak down kan aku, so aku ada aku je. Bye.

My Critical Thoughts

"Kau kenapa?"
"Takde apa."

Padahal dalam hati..

Umur dah 25 ni memang rasa something wrong bila attend kenduri kahwin member.

Yelah, member sebaya kan..

Memanglah tu rezeki dorang..

Tapi tulah, rasa down. Nak kahwin, parents tak bagi, awal lagi. Boyfriend pun tak mampu lagi nak masuk meminang. Jadi, kita duduk jelah diam-diam.

I am sad, very sad. Mungkin period ni buat emosi tak stabil.

I'm having a fight with my boyfriend because I've made him mad for not telling what I feel inside, for keep hiding things. I know its my fault. But i think he should not forget what we've been discussed in the morning, dia macam "weh baru pagi tadi kot discuss, takkan dah lupa" I know I am so keras kepala, so ego, but he should know how to control his own emotions too. Aren't men are better in controlling their emotion than women?

I know all of this is my fault but ya i know i keep put the blame on him. Whatever, self.
I just not in the good state now.

I hate myself.